


sunlight on her skin when i'm not around

by skai_heda



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Psychological Trauma, The 100 (TV) Season 7 Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-25 23:56:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21364786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skai_heda/pseuds/skai_heda
Summary: it gets harder, and it also gets easier. the aftermath of bellamy's return is like winter rain, droplets of ice stinging her skin yet also soothing the burns of the past.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 76





	sunlight on her skin when i'm not around

**Author's Note:**

> sorry i haven't updated in so long; i've been really sick and stressed with school. here's a short work.

"We'll get her back," Gabriel says, almost angrily. "She's not dead."

And that's just how it goes. Clarke Griffin finds herself a front-row seat to the unraveling of Gabriel Santiago and Bellamy Blake.

Bellamy turns to face her, searching for her input. His hair and beard are unkempt, his eyes are wild. She wonders dully if this was what he looked like when she died.

_Which time?_

Clarke doesn't say anything about it. She never does.

She knows that there's not a single answer in the world that will satisfy either of them until they see the face of Octavia Blake, see her chest rising and falling with deep, living breath.

"Clarke," Gabriel says, at least looking a bit more composed than Bellamy. "Do you have anything to say about it?"

"No," she says.

Bellamy scowls. Clarke knows he's angry—why wouldn't he be—but she can't help but feel a little stung by his attitude.

"I'm going to go," she says.

"Can you ask Echo to come here?" he asks her. His voice is soft, broken.

"Sure."

If Gabriel notices the grimace that flits across her face, he doesn't say anything about it.

* * *

She bumps into Raven, who's incidentally walking with Echo, Emori, and Murphy.

Clarke feels that familiar fear, that urge to run far, far away.

"B-Bellamy's look—Bellamy's looking for you," she splutters in Echo's general direction. "I mean, he wants you to go see him. He's with Gabriel."

"Hey, Griffin," Murphy murmurs, stepping forward. "What's up?"

"'m fine," she mumbles. "I'm okay."

He puts a hand on her shoulder and she flinches, scanning his clothing for spots where he could've hidden a syringe, a chip, a—

Murphy looks hurt by her reaction, but he pulls away.

God, what a trainwreck. This is is an absolute trainwreck, and it's her fault.

* * *

Sleeping is terrifying.

* * *

When she sees Josephine in her dreams the first time, she screams herself awake, thinking that she's back and she's going to die again. Dozens of tests are run and then conducted again, and Gabriel assures her about a hundred times that everything's fine. And so that's just it, and that's how Clarke adds Josephine to the cast of ghosts lingering at the edges of her dreams.

* * *

Months. Sanctum gets colder. Josephine and Wells play chess.

* * *

Octavia comes back, Clarke saves the world, and everything goes just as one would expect. 

Josephine beats Wells at chess, and Lexa flips the board.

* * *

"Clarke. Look at me."

"Leave me alone," she sobs. "Go away."

She dreamed about Russell. She dreamed about how cold the table was beneath her body, piercing through the blue fabric of the dress she had worn that night. She couldn't move.

"Please," Bellamy begs her. "Please."

"Go away," she repeats. He does.

* * *

"You killed me," Mom yells, her face ashen and gray, ice encrusted in her hair from the coldness of space. "You murdered me."

"It wasn't you," Clarke sniffles. "It wasn't you, Mom—"

* * *

Clocks ticking. She's not sure what's real and what isn't.

"This is real," Finn says from where he's sitting on her bed. His shirt is red with dried blood, but he's still grinning brightly. "Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise."

"Don't get blood on the bed," she says.

* * *

"Madi's been asking about you," Raven says, leaning against the doorway.

"Hi, Raven," Finn says. She doesn't hear him.

"Tell her to go away," Josie sighs, tossing a lock of golden hair over her shoulder.

"Madi's going to be fine," Clarke finally says.

"Madi _needs _you."

_("Clarke, I need you—")_

She thinks of Bellamy's salty lips against her own, a gun to her own forehead as she faced her daughter.

"Nobody needs me," Clarke sighs, closing the door.

* * *

Soon, Josie and Wells are the only ones left.

"It's been a while," Wells tells her. 

"Everything is normal," Clarke implores. "Everything is fine."

"Yeah, except you," Josie grumbles. "You make jokes and talk to Madi and the gang, but you're an actual mess. A basket-case, if you will."

"You're one to talk," Wells and Clarke say at the same time. 

"Yeah, but I'm _dead."_

* * *

They disappear, slowly. There's a day where Clarke only dreams about forests, and she wakes up to find the chessboard completely set up, covered in a fine layer of dust. On the nearby table, there's a note.

_You don't need us anymore._

_You're going to be okay._

_J+W_

She blinks, and when she opens her eyes, the piece of paper is no longer there.

* * *

Bellamy kisses her. She kisses him back, but she pulls away first.

"Not yet," she murmurs. Not with all their scars.

"Okay," he whispers, stroking her hand. "Whenever you're ready."

* * *

And when she's ready, she walks gladly into his embrace.

**Author's Note:**

> ok this is worse than i thought it would be but oh well ig


End file.
